“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
- ralph waldo emerson
shifting into something a little more personal then food. i have had a lot of emotions piling up this past week and i feel like it's something people could relate to. so i felt it was necessary to share them. this is something i've been finding myself doing a lot. ego completely aside, just raw feelings and emotions.
in the past i have:
- looked in the mirror and didn't like what i saw
- been in dead end relationships
- fallen victim to people's bad intentions
- struggled with gender/ sexuality issues
- allowed my depression to cripple me
- felt powerless and weak
- had no confidence when something new was placed in front of me
right now i need to:
- focus inwards and release what no longer serves me
- fulfill the needs of people in my life without sacrificing my own
- live by example and stand firm in my beliefs
- embrace who i am and what nature gave me
- be grateful, inspired and compassionate
- find strength because it's there, and speak for the one's who cant
- be mindful that i'm still learning a lot about myself and my capabilities
although this is a healthy example i tend to compare what happened before with what is going on now. or i get ahead of myself and get lost in my own thoughts. i think it's something we all go through. i don't want to be over eager about how i feel, but i also want to feel. i want to play it cool, but not to cool. we are strange, and sometimes it feels good to honor that space of where that weirdness comes from.
it's not that i don't like laying out my cards i just feel like i already have played with this deck. what's making comparisons, scenarios and overanalyzing just about everything going to do for me? nothing really. while i think it's important to speak what is coming from the mind i find that it's important to really speak what's coming from the heart. the past really reflects what makes us stronger today. and thats the thing. it's today, not yesterday or the next. the only thing that matters is what going on right now.
i don't want to sound like i've been sad. it's just been another self realization boot camp i've put myself in. i lately i've been riding a lot of new waves of emotion. new people in my life, shifts i have to cover, feelings i obtain and the ones i have let go.
i want to move through this life with no guilt or shame of my past. i want to move through this life with no expectation of the future. i want to move through this life with my full attention to the morals i hold, the people i have made connections with and the really radical moments that unfold daily.
they don't have to be big. they can be though. i know what it feels like...
being warm under the blankets, high fives, big plates of vegan food, opening letters from friends, handholding, riding bikes at the tiniest hours of the morning, being lost in your own words while someone is listening, a glass of cold water before bed, making my dad laugh...
with all of that said, i truly am in a better place right now. i feel like i am strong enough to make decisions and move toward things i haven't tried before. i find comfort in the people around me and have healthy dialogue between them. i think that uncertainty just makes you go with the flow and to welcome each day as a new one. they are bigger issues in this world and i'm ready to speak for, act towards and tackle once again. there is a new breath of confidence. i feel really good about it. thanks for listening.