wierd feelings

a beautiful drive in the mountains this past summer

the past few days have been a very emotional and weird. i've been broke, abnormally broke and what i mean is like counting out loose change and paying in nickels and dimes. i know people my age and a well a large majority of people live paycheck to paycheck, but i generally always make sure i don't spend what i don't have. i guess that didn't ring true this time around. but through all of this i noticed something about myself and where my commitments are: health and happiness. throughout this week it's been a test of strength to get to that paycheck and a lot of challenging questions were put in my path:

- do i maintain the same diet?

- will i stress about the source of money?

- what do i want to do (in my life) from here?

what i found was answers to all of these questions.

coconut curry soup with tempeh

did i maintain the same healthy diet as i started. yes! absolutely. it's actually cheap and quite rewarding to find out how resourceful you are when you are low in cash. even though i think i've eaten enough $1 kale to last a lifetime, i still managed to have green smoothies for breakfast, salads for lunch and some really awesome cooked meals for dinner. lately i've been mixing up my raw ratio which is what my body needs, and i'm totally fine with that.

music is good medicine for stress

did i stress out about the source of money? yes and no. I did at first, and I got a little worried if things were going to go through (bills). The second I stopped putting to much emotional involvement and realized what was important and what I was grateful for money sources started to trickle in. Although, it wasn't a paycheck I found it was that friends were helping me and i was still able to maintain a consistent schedule of yoga, teacher training, practicing ukulele and everyday life without being frazzled. how small amounts of money in your bank account brings focus to the big things in your life. friendship and family.

what do i want to do from here? i stopped and wondered about that several times throughout the week. what was this want to see the future and how i was going to get there? i feel that a lot of it was external things and being surrounded by people i love who are out doing things they need for themselves. it reflected something i wanted. i wanted to find this plan or goal, but what i forgot in the midst of all that was what i was trying to accomplish on my daily level. i tell you did "be present" come knocking at my door... i was allowing a lot of my emotions to slip in the cracks of life. it's not fun! but it happens! it was a good reminder to take control of how i feel and realize i'm perfect where i'm at and now is the time grow.

but with all of these questions answered i really started to see a trend. in these three questions i saw a person who wanted to change the world. someone who is driven by their passions and won't allow money amounts to get them there. someone who can dream and is inspired by life. i found out that that person is me, and that i can be resourceful and ask for help when it's needed.

'the honey trap' burned to that ground at burning man '10

(photo taken by leah rich)

in the spirit of weird feelings i want to say that the transient self inside of me has awakened after my time at burning man and all of the spiritual epiphanies i've had this year. i'm ready to be present everyday until i adventure. where life takes me i don't know, but i want to celebrate who i am and what i do, and cherish the time and space where i'm at. i definitely have to say i'm ready to move on from my current pace and embark on something completely new! i don't know yet, but i'm sure an opportunity will present itself if my doors are open.